I just recorded myself singing a part of a chorus I wrote… I haven’t really recorded myself before, even though I need to start setting up some tracks and getting serious about these songs… my voice has a decent tone, but my pitch and control kind of suck. At least there is some potential if I’m willing to dedicate the time to learning how to sing. haha.
I have had a very weird twenty-four hours. Last night I was pissed off at the world and got quite violent… killing a crayon and wanting to punch something… I’m not sure what set that off. It didn’t help that the show I was trying to convert for my iPod didn’t work either time I set it up… and then this morning I was quite grumpy. I think I’m finally better, though. Going to class for an hour helped refocus my mind.
I wrote a rather lengthy reflectional thing… I don’t know what to call it… kind of working out stuff in my mind. It makes me sound smarter than I really am. After I finish it, I’ll post it. First, I need to put pictures on Flickr. I really need to get those up. I haven’t uploaded any since spring, which is kind of sad.
This weekend I’m going to be studying minimalism (which I’m looking forward to) and art of the 60s, writing a four-page constitution for the “island” project in Political Science (which I think is stupid), doing a ton of astronomy homework, and figuring out what topic I want to tackle for the independent project in Photography. It looks like my entire Thanksgiving break will be overrun with homework… I’ve got to get my grade back up in Astronomy. Right now I’m getting a middle C and I want at least a B. Amazing how a single bad test can completely wreck my grade. It’s an advanced level course, though, so I’m trying to not be too hard on myself. All other subjects have solid As!
I’ve been considering how to change my perspective on life, because I’m sure it has something to do with everything, and am not quite sure what to do. I can try to not be so hard on myself and “live” the best way I know how, but things basically won’t change until I get out of my current circumstances. I seriously need to get out of my self-pity and general overwhelmedness. I’m realizing more and more that because I’m so willing to give up and complain, I’m losing out on a lot of things. Thinking I’m defeated means I am defeated. Surely things will be better one day… so I need to try and strive to be in the best position possible when opportunities do come up. My tendency to overreact and emotionalize everything can definitely be reined in as well. :p
Posted 5 days ago on November 18 2008
Posted 1 week ago on November 14 2008
Hmm… maybe I can integrate Tumblr in with a website… I just discovered that I had the “show my tumblr to search engines” box clicked. that has now been removed. I might keep this, delete a few more entries, and get a real domain name. maybe. that could be my “you survived your fourth semester” award.
being sick sucks. really badly. I feel horrible.
Posted: 1 week ago on November 14 2008
Posted: 1 week ago on November 14 2008
I feel as though I have this huge secret that is slowly tearing me apart, yet I can’t share it with anyone outside of a few online friends because the outcome could become quite severe and I’m not ready for it. It’s weird because I’ve tried so long to convince myself for a long time that this wasn’t a problem, that one day the dark cloud would finally lift and I would be free and “normal.” Such a thing is not meant to be. It’s irritating because, out of all the different things I could possibly deal with in my life, it just had to be this. I’ve been pretty humbled by it, as well as looking for questions that I’m not sure have answers. My entire life could come crashing down with a few words of admittance and while I’d welcome the chance to restart, I’m not quite sure I’d know how to cope. I’ve gotten myself quite messed up in an attempt to “fix” things and also to feel better.
I still don’t understand this completely… I hope that one day I can confront the world self-assured and no longer in fear, but I don’t know if that will ever come. Funny how I became the person I used to hate, the person who I could never be friends with, the one who was an idiot. Life is so ironic.
On a lighter note, I want Wordpress back really badly. Hopefully I’ll have a site again by the end of the year… I can work on it after this semester is over. Tumblr is nice and all, but so frustratingly limited. I miss having the ability to control absolutely everything about the blog, such as not letting search engines index it, and the ability to host my own pictures. I’m thinking I can have a blog and portfolio on one site… that’d be really nice. I want to get more professional with my blogging and less the-thoughts-of-a-crazy-person, especially as I come to realize how my online presence is essentially saved on a hard drive somewhere for the entire world to see if they search hard enough.
Off to prepare for school… we are watching a very interesting movie in Political Science about “why we fight” (I think that’s the title?) and for a documentary it’s very intreguing.
Posted 1 week ago on November 12 2008
Finally… time to post.
Right now I’m listening to an inteview with Kevin Max and it’s really good… he’s talking about working as a musician, his career, how he balances art with making a living, etc. Very interesting and helpful. I think as a person, he’s influenced my life more than any other *celebrity*… it’d be cool to meet him one day.
The art show went very well… I won honorable mention for one of my pictures (“Green Twist”) which was purchased by my photography teacher’s mother, an art collector, which is really cool. I also sold “Decision” a few days before that (maybe I posted about this? I forget), and won a special exhibition award with two other students which means we are going to collaborate on creating a set of works for a show… I don’t quite understand everything, I haven’t had a chance to ask a lot of questions, but it’s very exciting. It was boring standing around, but it was a nice night. According to my teacher I met one of the greatest living photographers… he’s the guy who took the iconic picture at the JFK funeral with the family… I honestly don’t remember a thing about it. Maybe if I was told before meeting him I’d have paid more attention, but I was a little freaked out by the whole exhibition award thing and how exciting yet scary it is. I think it’ll be a really good thing, but at the time it was quite overwhelming. haha.
I took the Myers-Briggs test last week at school and got the results back today… INTJ. I was really surprised about how well it fit me and what parts of my personality go beyond “just me” and are actually a recognized type. I’m not saying that these tests are perfect, but this one is supposed to be sorta major and it’s the actual expensive one, not a free “fake” online one. So it’s cool.
I’m having a really hard time with writing lyrics… chords progressions and making up musical parts are going great, but putting emotions into words that aren’t freestyling is difficult. It could be that I’m trying too hard to fit songs into my idea of how a song *should* be (connectable and somewhat catchy) and imitate my favorite artists… I’m going to try tomorrow to just write and see what comes out. I have something like forty pages of lyrics right now with around twelve primary themes, but no complete song written. It’s so irritating, yet also kind of cool that I have that much material to skim from. I need to take chances and get some of this stuff recorded if nothing else so I can get some critical feedback!
Alright, the KMax interview is over… I have to use the restroom and do some room cleaning… farewell, my four or five readers.
Posted 1 week ago on November 11 2008
Posted 2 weeks ago on November 7 2008
If you get a chance, check out Lydia’s Illuminate. This is one of the best albums I’ve listened to in a long time. I’ve wanted it for quite a while and Amazon is currently running a deal with AbsolutePunk.net so it’s only $1.99. It’s worth far more than the burger or package of mints you might spend your two dollars on otherwise. They are a somewhat dream-like indie rock band (similar to Eisley and Copeland), but not boring at all. The lyrics are good and the music is breathtaking in spots. I’d definitely recommend buying it.
Yes, I know it probably gets annoying when all I post are the latest deals or whatever that I find… I’ll try and post a real entry tomorrow about today’s very exciting happenings.